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I haven=t blogged in a while ... so I thought I would write something for myself more than for anyone who cares to read my Xanga site.
What a weekend... I am more tired than a Thai hooker on a Sunday afternoon after the American G.I.s left port. The following is a short synopsis of how I wasted my life this long weekend:
Friday... I started doing work when I realized I wasn=t in the mood to do work. I drove my ass home by taking the 407 - which trip probably costs me more than what I actually made while I was at the office. Came home and started a strenuous workout because I have decided that if I was going to lead an unhealthy lifestyle, I may as well work out as hard as I can to compensate for same. I then went to meet up with a few friends of mine and went out to some club named Suite 106. As always, it was meaningless fun which while you are doing it means nothing and means even less after you do it.
Saturday... I woke up at my friend=s house and rushed to meet two friends of mine to head to Barfallo. One, I was still wearing the same clothes including underwear (yummy). Two, I had to brush my teeth with my own fingers. Three, I so was yearning a shower... but oh well, I like it dirty. Four, I had been wearing my contact lenses for over 24 hours and just blinking gave me a feeling reminiscent of pulling off a band aid and ripping away your bodily hair. We proceeded to drive to Barfallo - which was not an easy task since I was trying not to blink. I must be so masochistic because I keep torturing myself by going shopping with only people of opposite gender. My shopping trip consisted of watching and realizing (again) how stupid American people are, and sitting around and talking to the other depressed males who were waiting for their significant others. It=s sad but we tried going to Olive Garden - not once but twice. The wait for each time was at least 40 minutes. Once again, it proves how stupid Americans sure can appreciate fine cuisine. On the way home, a combination of me lacking any sense of direction whatsoever and everyone in the car too busy chatting, we got lost and drove toward Rochester. Fifty kilometres later, we pulled a U and asked for directions. I almost wanted to tip the American toll person when she actually knew where Toronto, Canada was. Got back in time to meet some friends for last call. Finally, I came home, hugged my bed and went to sleep.
Sunday... I woke up feeling like crap. I tried to eat but my mouth felt like my rectum after going to the toilet five times in a row. Why you ask? Because I was stupid and foolish enough to eat at a Burger King at one of those broken down service stations on our way back from Barfallo. Steak - blah. Potatoes wedges - blah. Water - blah. Juice - blah. The problem with alcohol is that the more you drink of that shit, the more you can=t freaking taste anything anymore. But... but I think I found the solution: mouthwash. It stings and tastes so pungent that you have to spit out. On second thought, I should have swallowed it. I worked out again and went to meet my friends. We headed over to another club - sigh - where I proceeded to drink because I just felt like having fun with friends on a long weekend. Here, I thought I was going to be allowed to act stupid... noooooo.... I had to babysit one of my friends (which included but is not limited to stopping him/her from attacking a cab driver). All in all it was a really fun night.
Monday... I spent the majority of my day doing work to make myself feel less guilty. Now, I am busier than a poor Chinese kid making Nike shoes. I have had to catch up with a couple weeks of work. On top of that, I (1) have had to work on my website with a designer (which project is taking longer than I expected), (2) started taking Vietnamese classes because, deep down inside, I am ashamed that I can=t read and write Vietnamese when I walk around telling people I am Vietnamese and love the Vietnamese community(that is pure BS, I just want to make money off Vietnamese clients), (3) having to meet with people who run the Vietnamese newspapers to place my ads (which conversations consist of: Viet person: AYou speak Viet?@; Me: ANo, you speak Engrish?@; Viet person: ANo@; Me: AWe are fucked@, Viet person: AMe love you long time@), (4) studying and getting my real estate practice ready (which consists of: reading real estate law and attending real estate seminars to help me achieve REM), and (5) meeting with various legal advertising websites who tell me how they can make me money by making money off me. On a positive note, I ordered a drafting table so I can start drawing and painting again. After a long, long absence from partaking in my artistic endeavours, stay tuned for my Paralympic masterpieces. | | |
| Problem #1: There is a drunk and annoying someone next to me in bed. I look over and I thought that there would be a mirror there. Unfortunately, there was no such mirror. Problem #2: It was my drunk ass significant other who is looking at cheap nasty furniture and acting delirious. Problem #3: She drank my one and only cold, thirst quenching beer - my reward for a long hard day. Problem #4: She slowly is becoming even more insane and I think I may have to crack the empty bottle of beer she took from me, on her head to knock her out.
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| I awoke this morning feeling like crap - like someone took a hammer and beat my brain into submission until it resembles a sloppy joe meal on the face of a four-year old infant. Notice how I started the preceding sentence. I elected not to use “I woke up” or “I got up” in some futile attempt to convince others that I am brilliant and not just another ESL immigrant product. You poor fools!
I flicked on the tube only to find out that it was going to be 12319289451834 degrees outside – hot enough to make fat people sweat profusely without even having to move or an Eskimo skin his own skin rather a seal’s. Call it an epiphany or just mere laziness: I decided to work from home rather than to go into the office. I think delusional is more like it because an hour into work, I found myself back in bed with the A/C on and the lights off.
“I awoke” again. This time, I told myself that I should stop procrastinating – even though I don’t understand why any word with “pro” can be a bad thing. I sat at my desk and started reading some legal crap about why common law spouses should not be entitled to division of property. I was so excited and exhilarated about my chosen profession that my thoughts started wandering off. Truthfully, that is what you should get if you stupid enough to get married (so kidding… maybe not).
I blame it all on our damn biological or sociological need for emotional attachment.
We constantly surround ourselves with things which return affection toward us – family, significant others, friends, coworkers and even damn pets. I mean I have these two damn goldfish which have been around for like three years. They now are so big they would scare a cat off. I don’t think I can even flush them down the toilet or else Mama Ung would give me the plumbing repairs invoice. I don’t know how much money and time I have devoted to these two damn things. I mean cleaning the damn tank is a bitch in itself. You have to suck dirty, goldfish-shit infested water through a damn tube using your mouth. What do I get for all of this? Am I emotionally attached to these two boogers? I bet you they don't even know who the hell I am. I mean they are stupid enough to eat their own shit, spit it out only to swallow it again.
I had to stop there… because I couldn’t justify billing my client anymore while I had all of these productive thoughts.
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| I daie of free gas... and no you can't get a cut. (insert nervous laughter here) | | |
| Somewhere, sometimes, life can't be this hard. I love how we biatch about our trivial and meaningless problems when there are people out there who are without food, shelter and clothings. Give it up.... just deal with life - its simplicity and complexity. Be a man, buy the purse! I am starting to sound more and more like some Anthony Robbins or Dr. Phil.
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